Why I’m not having another baby (anytime soon)

Since having A, I get asked one question more than any other.

I get asked by co-workers, friends, well-meaning-though-nosy neighbors, and total strangers (I don’t get asked by family because, thank goodness, they all know better).

“When are you having another baby?”

The answer I give is usually something along the lines of, “Oh, we’re just taking it day by day.” But the truthful answer?

Not anytime soon.

I have a lot of respect for women with two under two, or three under five, or whatever, but I just can’t do it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of having another child, in theory. I love looking at little newborn baby clothes, pinning things to my baby board on Pinterest, and saving baby names into assorted lists on Nameberry. The other day I even came across a rogue size one diaper and got a little misty eyed. And yes, I do miss snugly little newborn naps and having a child that could sit still. If you have a newborn, I will happily hold him/her, coo over how cute he/she is, maybe even feel a pang of baby fever, but then I come to my senses and happily give your baby back and enjoy sleeping all night.

We’re at a really great stage with A right now. If I want to go out to run errands or do something, I don’t have to make sure I have a ton of stuff with me. I can just throw a couple diapers and an extra shirt in my purse and we’re out the door. I don’t have to worry about making bottles or washing bottles or anything to do with bottles (or buying formula). She’s eats breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, naps once or twice a day, and while it’s nice to keep it at the same schedule, she doesn’t have a meltdown if there are some changes, like eating someplace new or napping a little bit earlier or later than normal. She sleeps 12 hours a night, every night. While parenthood is definitely not easy, I do feel like I have the hang of being A’s mom now. We’re a well oiled machine, and though no day goes perfectly, I can handle it and roll with the punches, when necessary.

Frankly, I just can’t imagine adding another child into the mix right now, having just moved to a new state and just started a brand new job. I can’t imagine buying double the diapers and paying double the tuition at daycare, nor do I have any desire to do either. Financially speaking, another baby would be a huge stress we just aren’t ready for. We’re still enjoying our first baby, and there’s many things we want to do with A before we have another baby.

I don’t know when I’ll be ready for another baby. I do want another child, but I won’t welcome another baby until it makes sense for my family. I’ve always known I would probably have a larger age gap than most between my kids. The reality is A will probably be in kindergarten before we have another child. I feel like this time frame makes sense for me. I’m prone to anxiety; Getting one kid out of toddlerhood before I have another is in the best interest of my whole family. Plus, I’m only turning 27 this year, so it’s not like this plan is crazy. If we stick to this plan, I’ll be in my early 30s when we have a second baby, which leaves us plenty of time.

I understand other mothers’ desires to have their kids close together. But it’s just not for me, and it’s not for my family.

One thought on “Why I’m not having another baby (anytime soon)

  1. The 5 year age gap is working out for us. He can do things for himself and for her if need be and he has his own school life and there is only one set of diapers to change. There are some challenges but I think it’s worked out. You will know when you are ready. That’s how it happened for me. It’s good to have the luxury of time.

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