Things that happened since the last time I blogged

Well, hello there…long time no blog! I didn’t fall off the face of the Earth after all, or so it seems. It’s been a crazy, busy (and honestly kind of miserable) couple of weeks. Allow me to catch you up.

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  • We all got sick. All three of us caught awful colds/coughs (and we all still have them, actually). We are living in a miserable, sick household.
  • A got her first ear infection. Actually, she got two, one in both ears. She is, as you could probably guess, pretty unimpressed with it.
  • But she did take her first steps! She took three steps unassisted last week. I’d love to say she is walking all over the place now, but she still would rather crawl. I’m not worried about it, I know she’ll get there when she gets there. She does go like crazy behind her motorcycle, though.
  • And she said mama for the first time! She’s been saying “dada” for a while now, but she (finally) said mama! Granted, she will only say it when she is upset and in tears, but still, it feels good to hear it.
  • We had our first “snow”. We woke up this morning to a fine dusting of snow (or as John put it, “weird northern voodoo”). It was gone pretty quickly, but snowing in October? Doesn’t bode well. Needless to say, it’s gotten really cold here.
  • A had her one year well baby visit. She is 20 lbs 11 oz and 29 inches long, and obviously she is doing great and thriving. I’m thankful to have found another fantastic pediatrician I feel super comfortable with.
  • We went to a pumpkin patch. A enjoyed romping around the farm holding her daddy’s hands, and she especially enjoyed looking at the animals in the petting zoo. I know she’ll enjoy it even more next year, there was a lot for older toddlers and kids to do she was too little to partake in.

I think that just about catches us up. We’re going to Chicago this weekend, so that’ll give me some material to share, for sure. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I’m really looking forward to a fun family weekend in a place I’ve never been. I’ll do a big picture post whenever we get back.

I am making it my goal to be more diligent about blogging from here forward (scout’s honor!). It’s been a difficult couple of weeks, but I think we’re on the up and up.

Why I’m not having another baby (anytime soon)

Since having A, I get asked one question more than any other.

I get asked by co-workers, friends, well-meaning-though-nosy neighbors, and total strangers (I don’t get asked by family because, thank goodness, they all know better).

“When are you having another baby?”

The answer I give is usually something along the lines of, “Oh, we’re just taking it day by day.” But the truthful answer?

Not anytime soon.

I have a lot of respect for women with two under two, or three under five, or whatever, but I just can’t do it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of having another child, in theory. I love looking at little newborn baby clothes, pinning things to my baby board on Pinterest, and saving baby names into assorted lists on Nameberry. The other day I even came across a rogue size one diaper and got a little misty eyed. And yes, I do miss snugly little newborn naps and having a child that could sit still. If you have a newborn, I will happily hold him/her, coo over how cute he/she is, maybe even feel a pang of baby fever, but then I come to my senses and happily give your baby back and enjoy sleeping all night.

We’re at a really great stage with A right now. If I want to go out to run errands or do something, I don’t have to make sure I have a ton of stuff with me. I can just throw a couple diapers and an extra shirt in my purse and we’re out the door. I don’t have to worry about making bottles or washing bottles or anything to do with bottles (or buying formula). She’s eats breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, naps once or twice a day, and while it’s nice to keep it at the same schedule, she doesn’t have a meltdown if there are some changes, like eating someplace new or napping a little bit earlier or later than normal. She sleeps 12 hours a night, every night. While parenthood is definitely not easy, I do feel like I have the hang of being A’s mom now. We’re a well oiled machine, and though no day goes perfectly, I can handle it and roll with the punches, when necessary.

Frankly, I just can’t imagine adding another child into the mix right now, having just moved to a new state and just started a brand new job. I can’t imagine buying double the diapers and paying double the tuition at daycare, nor do I have any desire to do either. Financially speaking, another baby would be a huge stress we just aren’t ready for. We’re still enjoying our first baby, and there’s many things we want to do with A before we have another baby.

I don’t know when I’ll be ready for another baby. I do want another child, but I won’t welcome another baby until it makes sense for my family. I’ve always known I would probably have a larger age gap than most between my kids. The reality is A will probably be in kindergarten before we have another child. I feel like this time frame makes sense for me. I’m prone to anxiety; Getting one kid out of toddlerhood before I have another is in the best interest of my whole family. Plus, I’m only turning 27 this year, so it’s not like this plan is crazy. If we stick to this plan, I’ll be in my early 30s when we have a second baby, which leaves us plenty of time.

I understand other mothers’ desires to have their kids close together. But it’s just not for me, and it’s not for my family.

On living your dreams

Sometimes I get so caught up in being a mom and a wife and a employee that I forget before I was all of these things, I was a person with amazing dreams.

I’d actually say the truth is closer to me forgetting that person is still in there somewhere

My life has become very predictable. I basically do the same things day in and day out. This isn’t a bad thing, per se, there is something nice about stability, and it’s especially good for little kids. But I haven’t been feeling particularly happy lately (and by lately I mean for the past several months), and I think this hum drum lilt my life has taken is partially to blame.

I used to be this person with a thirst for life, with huge dreams and ambitions. I wanted to see things, do things, change things. And I’m not really sure what happened. I’d like to say pregnancy and motherhood happened, but this started before A was ever thought of. I think somewhere along the way, I got scared. Scared of trying, scared of failing. I don’t want to live my life afraid of doing things, and I don’t want to teach my daughter to live in fear of new experiences.

I want to be the person I was before, the person with all the dreams. And even more importantly, I want to live out those dreams.

Last night I took the first step in living one of my dreams.

BACKSTORY: A few years ago I read this book, and it started a strange fascination with rock climbing and mountaineering I never knew I had in me. Since then, I’ve read countless books on the subject and watched every Everest or mountain documentary on Netflix. I’ve even planned out the order I’d attempt the Seven Summits in. It’s become a little bit of a quiet obsession, a secret wish. I don’t really talk much about for fear of laughter and ridicule.

Anyway.

A couple weeks ago I started watching Destination Truth on Netflix (total nerd alert, I know). Being the dork I am, I bought and read Josh Gates‘ book, Destination Truth: Memoirs of a Monster Hunter. His honest discussion of how climbing Kilimanjaro changed the path of his life made me realize I need to do something to change the course of mine, and I need to do it quickly.

So last night I went to an indoor rock climbing gym. I know, it’s not exactly Kilimanjaro, but it’s a first step, albeit a baby step, in what I hope to be a very long journey.

I’m not going to lie, I was excited and terrified all day yesterday, and I almost called off the whole thing several times. But I’m happy I did it, because I genuinely enjoyed it. The first time I reached the top of the wall, it felt like I was summit-ing my own personal Everest.

I know a lot of people would say you need to give up these types of dreams when you become a mom. Some might even call this selfish, but I disagree with these sentiments. I want to do and see these amazing things, but I want to share them with A.

After all, how can we teach our kids to follow their dreams if we aren’t willing to follow our own?