The new reality

So I’ve been back at work for about a week and a half. It’s been…interesting, to say the least. It was hard to leave her the first day, and I thought it would get easier, but it’s still hard to leave her a week later. I find myself trying to get out of dropping her off whenever I can (which is hardly ever). Once I get to work and have something else to focus on I’m typically okay, but the 10 minute drive between her aunt’s house and the office is tough.

Of course, it helps my co-workers are all pretty hilarious. We typically manage to have a lot of fun.

Right now I’m only there part time, which is good, because usually by the time I’m supposed to leave, I am more than ready to get out of there and see A. I love that I still get to spend my afternoons with her, even if I have to spend my mornings working.

My biggest challenge is getting A’s schedule in order. We spent all those days before going back to work getting a routine down which feels like a total waste because everything is out order. Our early mornings are down to a science. I wake up at 5:15, get dressed, nurse A, eat breakfast, finish getting ready, and we are out the door by 6:45. She falls asleep on the way there.

But once she’s out of my hands, there’s not a lot I can do. I can’t control how long and how often she naps. Some days she takes two bottles while I’m gone, other days it’s three. This fluctuation has definitely made it harder at night. She doesn’t go down easily, and while a couple weeks ago she was only waking up once a night to nurse, now, most nights, she’s waking up two to three times. I think she may also be getting ready to start another growth spurt which is just making our existing issues more pronounced and difficult.

And she’s still colicky. This coupled with waking up more often means I AM SO TIRED. Most days I feel like a dead woman walking. All I want to do is take a long nap when I get home, but I can’t, because, you know, baby.

Being a working mom is hard. I’ve already decided we’re not having another until I can either work from home, work for myself, or we can afford for me to stay at home. But in the mean time, this is my reality. I just hope it gets easier.

4 thoughts on “The new reality

  1. I wouldn’t make any life decisions on a 2nd child until you’ve been at work longer with this one. It will get easier. Also keep in mind that you can’t control what schedule she is on when you are not around. A is going to be different with other people than she is with her mom.

  2. Logistically, I think it gets more practiced, and therefore gets a little bit easier. . . emotionally, well, I’m not sure if it gets easier. My lo went through a lot of night waking when i went back to work too, and that will sort its self out. Hang in there!

  3. It’s just as hard staying home. Less you wealthy or have lots of family. your horribly isolated. There is no right choice in my opinion. Stay at home go to work something gives either way. I wrote a song about it actually. That’s how much I contemplate it. HA Good to know I am not crazy!

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